ever felt so scared of slipping into who you were before, but at the same time wanted nothing more?

Two aspects of my life are locked in a fierce battle against each other. The longing for how things were battles the terrifying chance of slipping back.
Confused?

Things used to be terrifying, not understanding my own thoughts, the horrible feeling of not being able to recognise which were mine and which were not. I don't want to go back there..

However, things used to be amazing.
You were the only element of my life which was good..

But you've gone now. And i'm going back.

help me.